DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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