I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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