I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
