12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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