I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
