it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
