I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
