we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
