I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
