My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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