too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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