Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
