If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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