The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
