Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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