Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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