I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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