Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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