Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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