i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
