I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There r osticjed everywhere
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
