I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
