Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
why is half of my head shaved?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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