The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
