we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
