i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
