never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
