I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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