oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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