bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
