hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
