____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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