i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
