We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
