cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
