So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
