I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
