it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
