Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
