Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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