I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
