You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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