pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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