Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
