last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My liver just had a heart attack.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
