Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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