A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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