the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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