Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
