I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
